


i'll be waiting for you

by Olsies



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alcohol as a Coping Mechanism, Ben Hanscom is a Good Friend, Bill Denbrough is a Good Friend, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It of Sorts, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Gen, I'm Sorry, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, bev has no idea what is going on but we love her any way, eddie still dies, i just fucking love these little shits so much, i just have a lot of fucking feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-20
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2021-02-13 16:10:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21496876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Olsies/pseuds/Olsies
Summary: What happens right after the remaining Loser's Club members go swimming.
Relationships: Background Bill Denbrough/Audra Phillips - Relationship, Ben Hanscom & Richie Tozier, Bill Denbrough & Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, background beverly marsh/ben hanscom
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	i'll be waiting for you

Richie Tozier lay on the bed fully clothed in his grimy clothes. Clothes crunchy from gray water and Eddie Kaspbrak’s blood. The Losers were all exhausted and had decided to stay in Derry for one last night. They would leave in the morning after breakfast. It had finally been defeated, but he just couldn’t believe it. Mostly because-

_Mostly because of Eddie._

But no, it wasn’t true, couldn’t be true. He didn’t want to believe.

His chest felt tight and he couldn’t seem to catch his breath. He rolled onto his side and shoved his face in his pillow, sobbing so hard his whole body shook. Someone knocked on the door but he couldn’t catch his breath long enough to tell them he was fine, to leave him alone.

“Richie?” It was Bill. Of course it was Bill. Strong dependable Bill. Richie ignored him. He didn’t want Bill to see him like this. This wasn’t him, this wasn’t _Trashmouth Tozier_. “Richie? Let us in,” Bill called trying the door, but it was locked.

“Come on, Bill,” Mike said softly. “He just needs time.” Richie’s breath caught in his throat.

_I’ve been in love with one of my best friends for over twenty-seven years and never got over it,_ he thought at Mike. _Time doesn’t fucking heal all wounds._

Eventually he stopped crying, and just lay on his side staring at the wall.

Even though he’d only remembered Eddie just a few days before, he didn’t want to let go, didn’t want to forget, not this time.

When light began to seep into his room, he put on his glasses and got up. He opened the door slowly, and listened for the others, but they were still asleep. He went downstairs and grabbed a full bottle of rum from the bar and went outside. He glanced at Eddie’s car parked next to his waiting for Eddie to come back. Richie’s chest squeezed tightly again. He wondered if Bev or Bill had called Eddie’s wife, but really didn’t care.

He walked past his car and out onto the main road letting his feet choose the path. He opened the bottle and took a long drink as he passed the drugstore. They had all gone there countless times with Eddie to pick up his prescriptions. Biting his lip, Richie wondered why he’d kept up the drugs after he’d found out they were ‘gazebos.’ Richie smiled a little, let out a small chuff, and took another drink to stave off the tears.

Eddie would have had a fucking field day with his tears, called him a pussy, made some joke about his mom. Richie took another drink ignoring the burn even as it brought more tears to his eyes.

He kept walking until he got to Neibolt. The house was nothing but a pit of rotted festering wood. He leaned against the fence. Even though It was gone, he knew this place would always be cursed and he felt sorry for the poor bastards who bought the land. Nothing good could happen here. He took another long drink and poured some out for Eddie.

“I’m gonna miss you, ya fucking asshole,” Richie said.

“I died and I’m the fucking asshole?” Eddie asked and shivers ran up Richie’s spine. He turned and found Eddie leaning against the fence to his left.

“What the _actual_ fuck, Eds?” Richie yelled as he jumped away, his heart racing. He looked from Eddie to the now nearly empty bottle of rum.

“It’s not the rum,” Eddie said. Richie studied the other man. He looked like Eddie. He smelled like Eddie, some weird combination of hand sanitizer and cologne. Reaching out with a shaky hand, Richie tugged a little on Eddie’s shirt, and that felt real.

“You’re dead,” Richie said pulling Eddie close and smashing his mouth against his friend’s. They kissed for a long time. Eddie tugged off Richie’s glasses and pulled him close, his fingers sliding through Richie’s hair. Richie was surprised at how solid Eddie felt, and he couldn’t help the little sob that escaped out of his chest. Eventually Eddie pulled back, but Richie just stepped closer. He didn’t want to let go, not yet. He dropped the bottle and the glass shattered around their feet. Eddie pulled away again. This time Richie let him.

“It’s going to be ok,” Eddie said. “You’re going to be ok.” Richie covered his eyes with his hand. He still didn’t want Eds to see him like this, and he was certain nothing would ever be okay again.

“Fuck you, Eddie,” Richie said and laughed a little.

“You wish,” Eddie said and Richie laughed, flipping off his friend.

“I don’t know how I could have forgotten you, Eddie,” Richie said, voice tight. “That summer…” He shook his head.

“It’s ok, Richie,” Eddie said. “We all forgot a lot. Because that’s what It wanted.” Richie nodded a little.

“I’m scared to leave, Eddie,” Richie said. “I’m scared I’ll forget you again.” Eddie pulled Richie’s head down and kissed his forehead. He took Richie’s hand and lead him to the Kissing Bridge. Richie started shaking again.

“Why did you- why would-” Richie started and Eddie pointed at the letters ‘R+E’. They were faded now, but possible to make out if you knew where to look. “I wish I had been braver then,” Richie said. “I wish I’d told you how-”

“How much you wanted to fuck my mother?” They both laughed, but Richie’s laughter quickly turned into another sob. “It wouldn’t have worked,” Eddie said pulling Richie close again.

“What? What wouldn’t have worked?” Richie asked shoving his face into Eddie’s shoulder.

“We wouldn’t have worked. I refused to acknowledge that part of me; I was so scared of everything we kept hearing on the TV. Between AIDs and all the hate crimes, I just wouldn’t have been able to. Not even for you, and fuck would I have wanted to.” He paused. “That’s why I married Myra. Because she was safe.”

“Because she reminded you of your mother?” Richie asked, and they both laughed again.

“Oh, Richie,” Eddie said. “I’m going to miss you,” he said cupping the back of Richie’s head.

“Then don’t go,” Richie whispered. “Or let me come with you.” He paused. “I don’t want to be alone again.”

“Richie, you won’t be alone,” Eddie said. “You’ll always have my mother.” They laughed.

“Isn’t she dead too?” Richie asked and Eddie kissed his cheek.

“You’re going to be ok,” Eddie promised. “It’s going to be ok. I’ll be waiting for you.”

“Stay just a few more minutes,” Richie whispered, holding tighter to Eddie even as he could feel him slipping away. Eddie put Richie’s glasses back on his face.

“I’ll be watching,” Eddie said.

“I’m sorry if you see me masturbating-”

“To my mom, I know,” Eddie said.

“Say ‘hi’ to Stan for me,” Richie said.

“I will,” Eddie said. “And don’t worry, I’ll be taking _real_ good care of your mother.” He laughed.

“Fuck you, Eds!” Richie yelled. He blinked and Eddie was gone. “Fuck you, Eddie,” he whispered to the bridge. A car pulled up and stopped suddenly, sliding a little in the gravel.

“Richie!” Ben yelled as he climbed out of his car not bothering to turn it off. “Richie, oh my _fucking_ gawd, are you okay?” Ben pulled Richie into a tight hug.

“No,” Richie said. “I’m not. I’m not fucking ok.” He took a deep breath. “I’m-” Ben squeezed the back of his neck. It started to rain, but neither of them moved to get out of the rain.

“I’m here for you, buddy. I’m here, talk to me,” Ben said. Richie squeezed him close and then pulled back.

“I loved Eddie,” Richie said.

“I know, I know I loved him too,” Ben said, and Richie shook his head.

“No, I mean I _loved_ him,” Richie said. Ben studied him for a minute but didn’t let go.

“What are you saying Richie?” Ben asked.

“I never married because it wasn’t legal for me to until last year,” Richie said.

“What? I don’t understand,” Ben said.

“I’m fucking gay!” Richie yelled, and Ben flinched but still didn’t let go. “Bowers was right.” He took a deep breath, and Ben pulled Richie into a tight hug. “Bowers knew when no one else wanted to see it. When I didn’t want to see it.”

“Richie, I’m so sorry,” Ben said. It started to rain harder, and they were soaked. “I didn’t know.”

“I know, asshole,” Richie snapped. “No one knew, not even Eddie.” Ben squeezed him and pulled away.

“Do you want to talk about this?” Ben asked. “We can go back to the townhouse and talk.” Richie nodded and let Ben lead him to the car, even let Ben put his seatbelt on for him when it became clear he wasn’t going to do it for himself. Ben smelled nice. He smelled like the soap from the bathroom at the townhouse and Bev’s perfume.

Richie fell asleep in the car on the short drive back, the last thirty-six hours and rum catching up all at once. He was only vaguely aware of Ben pulling him out of the car and carrying him back up to his room. Ben laid him down on his back, but Richie rolled over on his side, his stomach churning.

“I don’t feel so good,” he said and vomited all over the bed and Ben. “Fuck, I am so sorry,” Richie said. Ben didn’t say anything, just got up and went to the bathroom. He came back a few minutes later, shirtless, with a cool damp cloth, and a trash can. “I’m sorry,” Richie said as he started crying again. “Fuck, I’m such a disgusting asshole.”

“Shh,” Ben said. “You’re fine, you’re fine.” He wiped up Richie’s face and the bed. “I’m gonna go get you some water. Do you need anything else?” Richie shook his head, no. Ben left and Richie put his glasses on the nightstand and closed his eyes. He opened them a few minutes later as Ben came back in. “Here,” Ben said. He helped Richie sit up and drink some water.

“I’m sorry,” Richie said as Ben helped him lack back down. “Thanks for listening.”

“I love you, man,” Ben said, and Richie smiled.

“I love you, too,” Richie said and then passed out.

When he woke up there was a fuzzy blur sitting next to him.

“Am I dead?” Richie asked, his head throbbing. The person next to him jumped, clutching their chest.

“Jesus, you scared me,” Bill said and Richie laughed a little. He reached for and found his glasses. He put them on and looked up at Bill as he closed the book he’d been reading.

“Sorry, Bill,” he said. His mouth was dry and Jesus did it taste fucking disgusting. “What the _fuck_ died in my mouth?”

“I think a bottle of rum? Bev found a broken bottle by Neibolt,” Bill said as he twisted open a water bottle. “Here.” Bill leaned over for Richie to take the bottle. Richie studied his face for a minute.

“Did you all come looking for me?” Richie asked as he sat up and accepted the bottle. He took a long drink; the water felt so good as he swallowed.

“Yeah,” Bill said. “We were scared you were trying to go back to save Eddie again.”

“No,” Richie said taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. He wasn’t sure if Bill would believe him about what he’d seen that morning. Hell, he wasn’t sure even he believed it and he’d lived it. “Eddie’s gone,” Richie said and Bill watched him clearly waiting for him to explode again.

“Yeah,” Bill said after a bit. He leaned over and held out his hand. Richie took it and squeezed it.

“I don’t want to forget him again,” Richie said and Bill nodded.

“Me neither,” Bill said and squeezed his hand. Someone knocked on the door frame, and both of them looked up to see Ben with some coffee in a paper cup.

“Oh, you are a fucking angel,” Richie said as he held out his hand.

“This is mine,” Ben said. He laughed when Richie’s face fell and he flipped off the other man. “Just kidding.” He came in the room with one of those cardboard trays with two more coffees on it. He handed Richie the one in his hand.

“Thanks,” Richie and Bill said together sas they took their drinks. Richie took a long sip of his coffee and relaxed into the bed a little, pulling his legs up closer to his chest. The sheets were soft against his skin and he realized he was in nothing but his boxers. He glanced up at Bill, but Ben answered.

“Mike insisted on getting you out of those clothes,” Ben said. “You smelled… Well you smelled.” Richie shook his head, laughing.

“Better than Eddie’s mom’s slippers, I hope,” Richie said. Ben and bill exchanged glances and laughed a little nervously.

“Worse,” Bill said, and Richie flipped him off.

“Bill!” Bev called from downstairs. “Someone is here for you.”

“Be right back,” Bill said and left them alone. Richie cleared his throat.

“Hey,” Ben said, and Richie nodded at him, not quite able to make eye contact.

“Hey,” he said eventually.

“I won’t tell anyone,” Ben said abruptly, and Richie shrugged.

“I honestly don’t care anymore,” Richie said. “But thank you.”

“I wish there was more I could do,” Ben said and Richie shrugged. They sat in silence for a few minutes.

“I’ve spent my whole life telling the truth about what I see, but this…” He shook his head. “I’ve dated, even had a serious boyfriend, but there was always something missing. He wasn’t Eds.”

“Is that why you broke up?” Ben asked, and Richie shrugged.

“I think it had more to do with the fact that he caught me cheating on him with one too many stagehands,” Richie said. “But we can go with that.” Ben licked his lips.

“I never could make anything work either,” Ben admitted. “I forgot almost everything about Derry except Bev. There were so many women, and a few men, who have thrown themselves at me over the years, but none of them were Bev,” he said, and Richie nodded.

“I wish I could have remembered Eddie,” Richie said. “It would have made everything make more sense. I might have still fucked up, but at least I would have known why.” Ben smiled a little sadly at him. They just looked at each other for several moments, not really having anything else to say. Someone knocked on the door frame. It was Bev smiling at Ben in a way Richie that simultaneously made Richie’s heart expand and whither.

“Hey,” she said. “I talked to the owners, and we can stay another night.”

“What about work? Your husband?” Richie asked. Bev licked her lips as she sat on the end of the bed.

“I left my husband,” she said staring down at the comforter. “And since we are work partners, I’m going to let him buy out my shares.”

“What are you going to do now?” Richie asked.

“I don’t know,” Bev said truthfully with a little shrug. She looked over at Ben. “I just know this time I won’t forget you guys, so I won’t be so alone.” She paused. “I won’t let myself.” Richie smiled a little at her.

His heart hurt looking at Ben and Bev. Maybe they weren’t together just yet, but he knew they would work it out. He couldn’t help but feel it was a little unfair. Ok, a lot unfair. Why should the cute straight couple get to live happily ever after? Didn’t he and Eddie deserve better too? Bill had Audra. Only Mike was like him, but he knew Mike was a good guy and would have no trouble finding a partner to settle down with. Richie on the other hand would just be Richie, traveling for his stand up shows, gone more than home. He honestly didn’t even know why he needed an apartment, he was never there.

After taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, Richie closed his eyes thinking about what Bev said.

_I won’t forget you, Eddie,_ Richie promised. _Your death means something, your life meant something._ He let out a soft sob and Ben squeezed his hand as Bev curled up on his side and pulled him close.

“I am going to miss that fuck face,” Richie managed.

“Even though you only remembered him a few days ago?” Bev asked, squeezing him gently. Anger flared in Richie’s chest, but he ignored it. She didn’t know what she was saying, how could she?

“Shut up, assface,” Richie said laughing through his tears. That was his fate, to laugh through his tears.

_Tomorrow is another day,_ Richie told himself. _Tomorrow is a new day._

**Author's Note:**

> I actually wrote this after watching It Chapter 2 in theaters months ago. I just have so many feelings about these little shits. Today the movie came out digitally, so I bought it and watched it again. Then I remembered this fic existed and just wanted to share.
> 
> I have a lot of feelings. I haven't had this many feelings over fictional characters since Teen Wolf.
> 
> Such good though.
> 
> I hope you like it.
> 
> P.S. Unbeta'd because my bff who usually reads my stuff is A. Doing midterms, and B. HASN'T SEEN IT CHAPTER 2 YET!! Soon though. Soon. Muahahaha.


End file.
